Cautious Friendship

A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.Proverbs 12:26 (NIV)

Just a little friendship advice...

Being cautious in friendship is a difficult task, especially when you see a friend messing up their life or you want to help them and they will not admit they need it.

The "wicked" or malicious person uses friends for manipulation or furthering their own personal selfish agenda. They prey on people in hopes of gaining some benefit or in hopes of maneuvering people away from something they hope to profit from alone (kind of like a business competitor leading the competition on a wild goose chase).

The hard part for caring for others is knowing when you can get involved and when to shut up. Raising kids has been a learning experience for me. The hard times come with letting them learn by themselves and not doing things for them and letting the go to school for the first time. I know it gets harder as they grow and they have to experience hurt through broken friendships. I also know there will be times I will have to stay out of the way (while being there to help when they ask). At the same time, as a parent, I have the responsibility to step in with advice and with direction while trying not to stir up wrath....

Friends are different, however. We do not have the same kind of responsibility for them as we do for family, yet we feel responsible and want to be involved with their hurts as well as their victories. Kind of like the show Friends. They were family and each others support group.

Cautious friendship has two distinct motives:

• It seeks to build up confidence in others by learning to play second fiddle

Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle. Romans 12:10 (MSG)

We can never truly be pure in motive if we want to be part of their spotlight. Being the "second fiddle" is part of creating an atmosphere that helps them grow in confidence so they learn to stand and to fall on their own.

• It seeks to encourage and build strength by reducing fear and discouragement

The greatest thing we can do for friends is to let them know we stand by them (unless they are bungee jumping - not for me). People need people. The greatest moments in fear are when we feel alone or left out or in over our heads.

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Romans 12:15 (NIV)

Just remember, not every problem is your problem to solve. We have friends because we are social people. That's why places like Facebook, Twitter, and other social networking sites have seen tremendous growth. We like attention and giving it.

So if you have a friend whom you would like to help, first, check your motives. Are you playing second fiddle or are you butting in on their spotlight? Are you looking to encourage and strengthen or are you playing with fear and discouragement?

Second, ask. You may be surprised at how open people are to blowing off steam or to sharing that moment of joy.