A prayer of one whose life is falling to pieces, and who lets God know just how bad it is. God, listen! Listen to my prayer, listen to the pain in my cries. Don't turn your back on me just when I need you so desperately. Pay attention! This is a cry for help! And hurry—this can't wait! Psalms 102:1-2 (MSG)
One of the lines of that video, "And you may ask yourself; Am I right?...Am I wrong?; And you may tell yourself; MY GOD!...WHAT HAVE I DONE?"
I think a lot of confusion that comes in life stems from control. The confusions rears its ugly head when we try to find out how we lost control or when we try to make sense of what we are doing. You may not have reached this place, but I did and have had several such moments since.
That first moment happened to me when I woke up one morning at North Georgia College going through what the cadets call Frog Week - orientation. I realized that I had gone from control of my life to living someone else's dream for me. Not that I should not have been there but the fact that I absolutely had no clue to who I was or to who I was becoming.
I walked away from a 100% scholarship and extra pay. Stupid when I look back on it, but life transforming as I explore it in my thoughts. The problem was that at the time I was not a Christian. I had walked away from God years before, and at that time I just did not know what to do with me. God had listened to me and given me what I wanted - total control to make my choices - wrong or right.
I look back now and say - My God, what have I done? I was so busy trying to run my life that I did not realize that though I did not know who I was at the time I was becoming who God really wanted me to be. I was so busy running that I lost track of where I was going. Kind of reminds of the scene from Forrest Gump where he begins running and running and then one day wakes up and goes home.
God gave me a chance to wake up. I looked back and looked at what I had done to my life. Take a look at another line from that video:
"Water dissolving...and water removing
There is water at the bottom of the ocean
Carry the water at the bottom of the ocean
Remove the water at the bottom of the ocean!"
A lot of people like myself, waste life trying to do things that do not need to be done - hence the line "remove the water from the bottom of the ocean". These are things that should never be done because quite honestly they are impossible. This is why people wake up and wonder what they have done with their life.
My life would be completely different had I never left God in the first place. God made a difference because through Him I have relevance. My life has meaning - it always had. I can cry out to Him and He helps me sort things out in my mind.
Do I still regret that my life went the way it went? No. My only regret is that I did it without God.
No comments:
Post a Comment