“If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce” Deuteronomy 24:1 (NIV)
Now, look at how Jesus quotes from the teachers of the Law:
"It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.' Matthew 5:31 (NIV)
What is missing? “Finds something indecent”. Many trample God’s Word when they only pull out the parts that affect them. The teachers of the Law were allowing divorce just as long as a paper showing divorce was given.
God’s original intent for divorce was to bring shame on an adulterous woman or bring dignity if she was not the guilty party. The paper was like the scarlet letter or it was a gift of grace. The people of Jesus times lost the shame the letter of divorce represented and the shame of divorce itself.
Only one reason should ever be presented for those who seek a divorce – adultery. Is this a global standard? Yes and no. You see, Christians are supposed to act as those who follow Christ. Paul talks on numerous occasions about how a man should love his wife and how she should love him. He speaks to how a man can gain the respect of his wife and how a man worthy of respect is worthy of submission. Paul also deals with divorce.
Yes, divorce is wrong. 1 Corinthians 7 is a fantastic study about marriage (Also read Ephesians 5:22-33). Learn it well. Divorce, except for infidelity, is a breaking of covenant with God. Infidelity is of itself a covenant breaker because adultery mars God’s image of marriage. But what of abuse? Here is where the no comes in.
Any man who abuses his wife is not a Christian! I mean it. How can I say that? Paul says husbands should care for their wives as Christ cared for the church. Jesus died for the church. Jesus loved the church. A man who loves his wife loves himself. Only a man who loves his wife is capable of loving Jesus. Read back over the stages of anger (Matthew 5:21-26).
What does this have to do with abuse? An abuser is not a Christian:
To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 1 Corinthians 7:12-13 (NIV)
A man who beats his wife (or vice-versa) is a man who refuses to live with them! By beating their spouse that abuser has already brought disgrace upon them. They have already severed the “oneness” designed by God.
Can this be changed? Yes. Repentance is the only means of gaining a foothold on one’s ungodly manner towards their spouse. Next, they must submit to Jesus as Lord and Savior. From there they have to go through counseling to learn how to defeat the anger within. Finally, they have to learn how to love. All of this is possible with Christ.
Take divorce seriously. Stop being desensitized to it. The church is overly infected by this terrible disease. If your marriage is falling apart and hasn’t crossed the line of infidelity or isn’t an abusive relationship, then there is still hope. Find Christ. Return to His foundation! Seek help, and let’s end this scourge upon marriage.
(Nov. 15, 2010) I am going to add this one thought to better explain my thoughts. If your marriage has crossed the line of infidelity or is abusive, seek help now. Any marriage can be saved. Remember, divorce harms more than just a marriage. There are great Christian counselors who will guide you through a healing process. Abuse is serious and if you are in danger of physical harm, seek shelter and get assistance. I suggest Christian counselors because anyone not affiliated with a Christ-centered counseling ministry will not deal with sin. Stay safe and don't wait. Get help now.
I want to give an additional reading assignment: Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships
- Has your family ever experienced the ravages of divorce? How did it affect you? How is it affecting those closest to the situation?
- What are you doing to “Fireproof
” your marriage (great movie and makes a great point)?
2 comments:
David, I agree that divorce is a scourge in the church. The family is a reflection of the love that God has for His children. While divorce is "permitted" in the event of adultery, reconciliation should always be the first option. In the event of abuse, the one suffering the abuse must seek out their own safety and the safety of any children involved through separation. Divorce becomes an option only if the abuser refuses to seek repentance and the counseling necessary to reconcile the marriage. Extreme caution is warranted in these situation where the abuse has been on-going or severe in nature, as abusers do not easily change their spots.
Thanks for the comment. I hope I did not make it sound like I am sanctioning divorce. I truly believe reconciliation is the best way to resolve any relational problem.
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