No matter how far people try to run from it, they are designed to be social with tendencies to have a sexual partner. People have become monks and priests and nuns trying to purge the urge (not all but some). People who do not have the urge one way seem to believe the urge must exist the other way (yes, this is a veiled description of homosexuality).
But we need relationships. We need people around us. We need to know intimacy.
Where is all this triggered from? I am not going to say I read something in the Bible this morning to trigger these thoughts, because I didn't.
I think I am disheartened by how many relationships fail because our thoughts about sex and relationships differ from God's thoughts and design.
I have to plug a great book for this called, Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships
by Chip Ingram. I think it is one of the best books about relationships for those struggling to have a better understanding about love and sex.I want to explore it a little today. Our relational beliefs are developed by what we see and experience. For many young people, they see arguments and fighting and divorce. They tend to get some of their love advice from popular television shows, movies, and music, but mostly from other friends.
I am not sure how this happened but why would anyone trust the advice about a lasting relationship from someone their own age? Think about that, unless you are 85 with a friend who has been married for 65 years. Why do people take advice from people whose longest relational experience lasted for six months and most of that was spent in breakups?
I have been happily married for 11 years now, and even I fall a little short when it comes to timely advice. I get my best advice from those who have endured and worked out their marriage.
The problem with most advice today is that is gets its roots from the "Hollywood" relationship seminar. You know. A person meets another person and is instantly attracted to them or they are looking for a relationship and keep trying out new relationships until they find the right fit.
Usually sexual attraction is the primary reason these people tend to be attracted. They act like it doesn't matter because the sex is great, and surely that other person really loves them.
The problem with this is that usually men in this position lose interest faster because they have been "rewarded" with their one goal - sex. Women however try to tie things together by getting the man to go deeper into the relationship. For women, they have made the ultimate commitment and their man will respect that, right?
What most women in this situation fail to understand is that men thrive on the hunt and when they conquer their prey, they start looking to see if this prey was the right one.
Women respond by giving more sexual attention which causes tension in the relationship because the women give themselves in hopes for committal and the men seem to be enjoying the ride without commitment.
The spark starts to fizzle a little here, so the couple does one of two things. They move in together because obviously their relationship needs more intimacy, or they split up because it was just not the right fit.
They forget that they had "fallen" in love. That is where the "Hollywood" method of love begins - falling. The last time I checked, falling is not a good thing unless you are parachuting in which falling is required in order to deploy your parachute, otherwise pulling the rip cord while standing on solid ground is not as thrilling. Falling is also useful in bungee jumping so that you can test the strength of that rope that you hope has not been used one too many times, otherwise being tied to a rope is not that much fun either while standing on solid ground.
I want you to look at this: The Secret of a Lasting Relationship because I can't give you a good diagram here like Chip's pyramids (scroll down the pdf to find them). If you have the book, fill in the blanks.
What happens to an upside down pyramid? It falls down. The Hollywood method for lasting relationships has a success rate of failure almost all the time. Why? Because the people are really only looking for the right person and build their relationships from the weakest part of relationship process (they do not have a foundation).
God's method, however, is built upon a solid foundation. Sex is at the top of the pyramid because it is the last step and the least important. Now, that may sound contrary to what I said in the beginning, but it is true. Even though we are sexual beings, intimacy is never found in sex. Intimacy starts in building a relationship with God. You will never be satisfied in a relationship without true intimacy which starts by choosing to love instead of falling in love.
After reading this and looking at the diagrams, I want you to be honest about your relationships, past and present. Answer the questions and the end of Chip's presentation. Change is in your hands, and God is wanting to help you through it.
1Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; 2and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you, and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.Read the book and make your relationship last!
Ephesians 5:1-2 NAS
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