Radicalis 2010, Part 7

What Causes Affairs? This lesson was taught by Rick and his wife Kay. She is an excellent communicator.

Radical Purity

We prove ourselves by our purity, our understanding, our patience, our kindness, by the Holy Spirit within us, and by our sincere love. 2 Corinthians 6:6 (NLT)

Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people. Ephesians 5:3 (NLT)

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. Hebrews 13:4 (NIV)

The Problem

The Today's English Version (TEV) of the Bible says in Hebrews 13:4 that there should not be even "a hint" of sexual immorality in the life of a Christian. Not even a hint! That means we have to be careful with our speech, our viewing, our listening, and our actions. Why? Affairs and sexual immorality are pit's waiting to swallow people up!

The mouth of an adulteress is a deep pit; he who is under the Lord's wrath will fall into it. Proverbs 22:14 (NIV)

What Causes Affairs

• Unmet needs
• Unfulfilled expectations
• Undeveloped self-worth
• Unresolved conflict
• Uncontrolled thoughts
• Unprotected lifestyle
• Unreliable commitments

The Process of Immorality (From Kay Warren)

Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death. James 1:14-15 (NLT)

If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall. 1 Corinthians 10:12 (NLT)

Many affairs start because Christians believe that they can't fall into sin. Divorces among those who attend church regularly is at 50%! Don't think you are too strong to fall!

How Affairs Develop:

1. Accepting sinful thoughts into your mind - unfettered thoughts lead to feelings and feelings are key to moving you into emotions
2. Emotional, nonphysical involvement - needing to see or hear from someone in your office, at school or even at church! You must realize that people can have affairs of the mind!
   
3. Physical involvement - touches leading to more
4. Rationalizing the affair - using reason to convince yourself that the affair is justified (in other words, lying to yourself)
   

That's all it takes for an affair to blossom, and all it takes for you to ruin a marriage(s), families, and so much more. When or if any of these things may be creeping into your life, you need to stop it in its tracks:

• Never let the opposite sex come to you to complain about their spouse (yes, that also means you self-proclaimed, counseling pastors!)
• Don't fish for compliments!
• Be aware of electricity (you know what I mean - flee!)
• Avoid prolonged stares! Enough said...

The Joseph of Genesis fame was in a position of power in the house of Potipher. Potipher's wife took a liking to Joseph. She started sending electricity out and giving him long lasting stares. She probably asked him for compliments. Joseph continually pushed her away. Then one day she throws herself at him. He starts to flee and flee he did. He left so fast that he left her still clutching his coat. Notice one thing he did not do - he did not return for his COAT! Flee immorality and if you leave something behind- don't go back for it (paraphrased from a sermon I heard by John Maxwell).

The Pathway Back to Purity

There is a path back into God's grace and forgiveness. It will not be easy. It will leave bruises and pain, but impure living never leaves us undamaged. God, however, can make us whole, if we decide to let Him!

• Acknowledge the sin

Have mercy on me, O God,because of your unfailing love. Because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins. Wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin. For I recognize my rebellion; it haunts me day and night. Against you, and you alone, have I sinned; I have done what is evil in your sight. You will be proved right in what you say, and your judgment against me is just. Psalms 51:1-4 (NLT)

• End the relationship NOW! Tomorrow is just like going back for your coat.

• Do whatever it takes to have no contact at all with that person from now on (don't go back for your what?).
  

The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure. 1 Corinthians 10:13 (NLT)

• Move quickly back into fellowship with God.

Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalms 73:25-26 (NIV)

How To Prevent Affairs

• Make a commitment to God's standard - take it a step further and make it public! Sex is far more than physical - they don't make a condom to protect the heart!

How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word. Psalms 119:9 (NIV)

• Maintain your marriage

The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. 1 Corinthians 7:3 (NLT)

• Manage your mind

Don't just resist temptation (temptation is not sin) - REFOCUS! Change the channel of your mind (you control it - no one else).

Instead, clothe yourself with the presence of the Lord Jesus Christ. And don’t let yourself think about ways to indulge your evil desires. Romans 13:14 (NLT)

Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts. 2 Timothy 2:22 (NLT)

Everyone has heard about your obedience, so I am full of joy over you; but I want you to be wise about what is good, and innocent about what is evil. Romans 16:19 (NIV)

• Monitor Your Media Intake!
  

A wise person is hungry for knowledge, while the fool feeds on trash. Proverbs 15:14 (NLT)

I will refuse to look at anything vile and vulgar. Psalms 101:3 (NLT)

Can anyone say it better than the Bible? If you do not want to feed your mind with things that feed your lusts, then don't feed your mind the things about lust!

• Minimize the opportunity for temptation - while traveling, don't travel alone or with the opposite sex (unless it's your wife); choose your friends wisely; establish protective guidelines in how you maintain friendship

Do not be misled: "Bad company corrupts good character." 1 Corinthians 15:33 (NIV)

Don't be so naive and self-confident. You're not exempt. You could fall flat on your face as easily as anyone else... 1 Corinthians 10:12 (MSG)

• Magnify the consequences of sin!

But the man who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he destroys himself. Proverbs 6:32 (NLT)

For a prostitute will bring you to poverty, but sleeping with another man’s wife will cost you your life. Proverbs 6:26 (NLT)

There is a major difference between forgiveness and trust. Trust is earned; forgiveness is by grace! Don't spend the rest of your life rebuilding trust. Start doing the right things now!